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1 | Syrien: Jeg er Aleppo, Aleppo er mig | Syria: I Am Aleppo, Aleppo Is Me |
2 | Dette indlæg er første del af en artikelserie af bloggeren og aktivisten, Marcell Shehwaro, der skriver om levevilkårene i Syrien under den igangværende væbnede konflikt mellem regimets støtter og de, der forsøger at afsætte det. | This post is part of a special series of articles by blogger and activist, Marcell Shehwaro, describing the realities of life in Syria during the ongoing armed conflict between forces loyal to the current regime, and those seeking to oust it. |
3 | Marcell Shehwaro ved sin mors begravelse. Marcells mor blev dræbt ved et af regimets styrkers checkpoints i juni 2012. | Marcell Shehwaro at the funeral of her mother, who was killed at a Syrian regime forces' checkpoint in June 2012. |
4 | Medaktivister hyldede hende med røde roser. | Fellow activists paid tribute by carrying red roses. |
5 | Foto: Marcell Shehwaro. | Image courtesy Marcell Shehwaro. |
6 | Hvem er jeg? | Who am I? |
7 | Det spørgsmål har for mig altid været et af de sværeste at besvare eller skrive om, ikke mindst i dag, tre år inde i den syriske revolution. | I have always considered this the most difficult question to answer or write about, especially today, three years from the start of the Syrian revolution. |
8 | Sandheden er, at jeg egentlig ikke ved, hvor meget der er tilbage af den unge kvinde, jeg var tidligere. | The truth is that I don't really know how much I resemble the young woman I was before. |
9 | Ved at skrive for Global Voices giver jeg mig selv en mulighed for at genopfriske bekendtskabet med mig selv, eller i det mindste minde mig selv om, hvem den person jeg lever med, og som er mig, er blevet. | Writing for Global Voices could be an opportunity for me to reaquaint myself with myself, or at least remind myself of who this person whom I live with, and who is me, has become. |
10 | Jeg er 29 år gammel. | Today I am 29 years old. |
11 | Mit navn er Marcell. | My name is Marcell. |
12 | Navnet betyder “ung kriger”. | The name means “young warrior”. |
13 | Jeg kommer fra en lille familie. | I come from a small family. |
14 | Min afdøde far, må Gud have barmhjertighed med hans sjæl, var ortodoks præst. | My late father, may God have mercy on his soul, was an Orthodox priest. |
15 | Og min afdøde mor, må Gud også have barmhjertighed med hendes sjæl, var husmor og en fantastisk mor. | And my late mother, may God have mercy on her soul too, was a housewife and a great mother. |
16 | Jeg studerede tandpleje i byen Aleppo, indtil jeg nåede det punkt, hvor det gik op for mig, at jeg var mere optaget af sociale problemer. | I studied dentistry in the city of Aleppo until I reached a point where I realised that I was more concerned with social issues. |
17 | Jeg forlod medicin for at læse statskundskab - internationale relationer og diplomati for at være helt præcis. | I left medicine and I studied political science - international relations and diplomacy, to be more precise. |
18 | Jeg kan ikke præsentere mig selv uden at fortælle dig om min by, Aleppo, da vi to er nøjagtig ens: nedslidte, udmattede, fulde af brand, fulde af begær efter livet, forvirrede. | I cannot introduce myself without telling you about my city, Aleppo, as the two of us are exactly alike: worn down, exhausted, full of fire, full of the desire to live, confused. |
19 | Aleppo er den næststørste by i Syrien. | Aleppo is the second largest city in Syria. |
20 | I følge statistikken, var dens befolkningstal fem millioner. | According to statistics, its population used to be 5 million. |
21 | Jeg er ikke sikker på, hvor mange der er tilbage, og hvor mange flygtninge der er kommet andre steder fra, for at bo her. | I am not sure how many of them still remain, and how many refugees from other places have come to live here. |
22 | Jeg opdagede i en ung alder min evne til at udtrykke mig mundtligt og på skrift. | I discovered my ability to express myself orally and in writing from a young age. |
23 | Måske er det et træk, jeg har arvet fra min far. | It could be a characteristic I inherited from my father. |
24 | I skolen elskede jeg at skrive essays, en sur pligt de andre fandt dybt kedsommelig. | I enjoyed writing essays at school, a chore other students considered boring. |
25 | Jeg læste alt jeg kunne få fat i. | I read everything that fell into my hands. |
26 | Jeg skrev også på, hvad som helst der kunne skrives på: regninger, servietter i restauranter og i margenen af de bøger jeg læste. | I also used to write on anything I could write on: bills, tissue paper in restaurants and in the margins of books I was reading. |
27 | Da blogging dukkede op, begyndte jeg selvfølgelig på det. Og nu skal du høre, hvad der kom ud af det. | And when blogging arrived, naturally, I took it up. And this is what happened. |
28 | Jeg begyndte at blogge i 2008. | I started blogging in 2008. |
29 | Jeg havde venner, der betalte prisen for at have ytret sig frit i det syriske regimes fængsler. | At the time, I had friends who were paying the price of freedom of speech in Syrian regime prisons. |
30 | For mig var det tilstrækkeligt til at gøre kampen for ytringsfrihed til min mission, hvilket tidligt gjorde mig til modstander af regimet. | This was enough for freedom of speech to become my mission, which turned me into a regime opponent early on. |
31 | Modstander af et regime der undertrykte almindelig frihed og borgerlige rettigheder. | An opponent of a regime that supressed general freedom and civil life. |
32 | Da revolutionen startede i Egypten, kunne vi ikke mobilisere os selv i anden retning end frem mod håbet om en revolution i Syrien. | When the revolution started in Egypt, it paralysed our ability to mobilise ourselves in any other direction except towards our hope that a revolution would take place in Syria too. |
33 | Så uden yderligere overvejelse, sluttede jeg mig til revolutionsbølgen. | So without further thought, I joined the revolutionary wave. |
34 | Til en begyndelse skrev jeg om det. Senere sluttede jeg mig til protestdemonstrationerne. | At first, I wrote about it. Then, I joined the protests. |
35 | Jeg kan stadig huske følelsen af eufori blandet med bekymring, og den frygt og forlegenhed, der sad bagest i halsen, når jeg råbte, “Folket vil vælte regimet!” | I still remember the feeling of euphoria mixed with worry, and the fear and embarrassment that at the back of my throat as I chanted, “The people want to overthrow the regime!” |
36 | Under en demonstration begyndte skudsalverne fra de syriske sikkerhedstyrkers våben at regne ned over os, og de der stod omkring mig begyndte at løbe. | During one protest, volleys of bullets started raining on us from the Syrian security forces' firearms, and those around me began running. |
37 | Det var dér, jeg opdagede, at jeg hører til dem, der bliver lammet af frygt, hvilket forhindrer mig i at bevæge mig, og gør mig til en forhindring for de, der forsøger at flygte. | I discovered then that I am one of those people who is paralysed by fear, which prevents me from moving and turns me into an obstacle for those trying to run away. |
38 | Mine venner tog fat i mine hænder og trak mig væk for at beskytte mig, og siden det har jeg samlet mange historier om at være på randen af død, kvæstelse eller anholdelse, og hvordan mennesker der var mere rationelle end jeg har grebet ind og reddet mig. | My friends grabbed my hands and pulled me away to protect me, and since that time I have been collecting stories about being on the verge of death, injury or arrest, and how people more rational than I would intervene and rescue me. |
39 | Det tog sin tid for det syriske efterretningsvæsen at opbygge et dossier på mig især i betragtning af, at der er mindst en informant for hvert 10 syrere. | It took some time for the Syrian secret service to develop a dossier on me, especially considering that there is at least one informant for every 10 Syrians. |
40 | I løbet af den tid, og efter et år med protester og mange råd fra venner og familie om at passe på, indtraf vendepunktet for mig: min mor døde som martyr ved et af de syriske regimetroppers checkpoints i Aleppo. | During that period, and after a year of protests and listening to advice on being careful from family and friends, the turning point arrived: my mother was martyred at a Syrian regime forces' checkpoint in Aleppo. |
41 | En del af mig var tabt for altid. | I lost a part of me forever. |
42 | Efter den storslåede begravelse, hvor mange revolutionære deltog og bar min smerte sammen med røde roser, begyndte myndighederne på en ugentlig basis at indkalde mig til forhør om mine aktiviteter. | Because of the amazing funeral, attended by many revolutionaries who carried my pain with red roses, the authorities began calling me in and interrogating me about my activism on a weekly basis. |
43 | På det tidspunkt var den væbnede revolution kommet tættere på Aleppo. | At that time, the armed revolution was edging closer to Aleppo. |
44 | Dengang var jeg imod enhver form for oprustning. | At the time, I was against armament in all its forms. |
45 | Jeg troede på, at en fredelig forandring ville garantere syrernes rettigheder og koste færrest mulige ofre. | I believed peaceful change would guarantee Syrians their rights and result in the smallest number of sacrifices. |
46 | Reelt er store dele af min by allerede blevet befriet, bortset fra mit kvarter og de steder jeg kender, som er forblevet under det syriske regimes kontrol. | In fact, large portions of my city have already been liberated, except for my neighbourhood and the places I am familiar with, which have remained under the Syrian regime's control. |
47 | Da forhørene blev mere alvorlige, og det syntes uundgåeligt, at jeg snart ville blive anholdt, besluttede jeg at tage imod et stipendium til en kandidatuddannelse i borgerrettigheder i Storbritannien. | When the interrogations became more serious, and it looked inevitable that I would soon be arrested, I decided to accept a scholarship to study for a Masters degree in human rights in the UK. |
48 | Som alle andre der har overlevet så blodige begivenheder, som dem jeg havde været vidne til, vendte jeg i det år igen og igen tilbage til Syrien, drevet af skyldfølelse rejste jeg til Aleppo. | Like any survivor of bloody events such as I have witnessed, during that year I returned to Syria over and over again, to Aleppo, driven by guilt. |
49 | Da det var farligt for mig at opholde mig i mit eget hjem, boede jeg på skift hos forskellige venner, indtil også deres liv var i fare på grund af deres forbindelse med en aktivist som mig. | I moved from one friend's house to the other, as it was dangerous for me to return to my own home, until my friends' lives, too, became endangered as a result of their association with an activist like me. |
50 | Jeg var nu tvunget til at træffe den indlysende rigtige beslutning at flytte til den befriede del af Aleppo og efterlade venner, familie, minder, hjem og mine forældres to gravsteder. | I was then forced to make what was obviously the right decision, and moved to the liberated part of Aleppo, leaving behind friends, family, memories, my home and the two graves of my parents. |
51 | Kort sagt, det meste af det, der havde været mit liv. | In short, most of the life I was used to. |
52 | At bo alene som aktivist i en krigssituation, væk fra familie og velkendte omgivelser, medførte nye udfordringer. | Living alone as an activist during wartime, alone and away from family and familiar surroundings, posed new challenges. |
53 | Jeg var flyttet til et område, som jeg ikke vidste noget om, udover at regimets efterretningsapparat ikke var til stede. | I had moved to an area which I knew nothing about, except that the regime's security apparatus had no presence there. |
54 | Men også her lurede døden på mig i andre afskygninger. | But it wasn't free of all the other forms of death. |
55 | Som en af meget få utildækkede kvinder i et konservativt og ydmygt kvarter, blandt mennesker, der trods et voldeligt miljø, er meget venlige, lider jeg ind imellem under en forstenende ensomhed. | As one of the very few unveiled women in conservative and humble surroundings, among people who are very kind, despite the violence of their environment, I sometimes suffer from petrifying loneliness. |
56 | Jeg lever i konstant frygt for at blive bortført. | I live with the constant fear of being kidnapped. |
57 | Nogle gange kan jeg klare det, men andre gange bryder jeg sammen af udmattelse. | At times I can withstand it, but at others I break down in exhaustion. |
58 | Jeg er omgivet af historier om helte, hvis heroisme måske inspirerer andre til selv at bevirke forandringer. | I am surrounded by stories of heroes whose heroism might inspire others to effect change themselves. |
59 | På grund af alt dette og fordi vores hverdagsliv er fyldt med begivenheder, der måske ikke kan rummes i et enkelt liv, har jeg besluttet at skrive til dig. | Because of all this, and because our daily lives are full of events which may not be enough for one lifetime, I have decided to write for you. |
60 | Nogle af artiklerne vil beskrive mit daglige liv. | My articles will some times be about my everyday life. |
61 | Andre gange vil de berøre erindringer og ønsker for det liv vi gerne vil leve, trods de rædsler vi oplever. | At other times they'll touch upon memories and what we would love our lives to be like, despite the horrors we see. |
62 | Det står dig frit for, om du vil sympatisere med mig eller fordømme mig. | You are free to choose to sympathise with me, or be harsh with your judgements. |
63 | Men mit håb er, at det jeg fortæller dig vil afspejle noget af drømmen, ønsket om at skabe forandring og troen på at forandring er mulig, hvor uopnåelig eller smertefuld den drøm end er. | But my hope is that what I relate to you reflects some of the dream, the desire to change, and the trust that this change is possible, as far-fetched or painful as that dream might be. |
64 | Marcell Shehwaro blogger på marcellita.com og tweeter fra @Marcellita, begge steder fortrinsvist på arabisk. | Marcell Shehwaro blogs at marcellita.com and tweets at @Marcellita, both primarily in Arabic. |