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1 | Ukraine: “If Google Were a State-Owned Company…” | Okraina: “Raha toa moa ka orinasam-panjakana ny Google…” |
2 | In the text below (UKR; Russian translation by LJ user grosman is here) , Lviv-based LJ user dali_bude mocks Ukrainian state bureaucracy and red tape, describing what it would be like to do a Google search if Google were a Ukrainian state-owned company. | Manadrohadro ny asam-panjakana Okrainiana sy ny fahelany amin'ny asany amin'ny alalan'ny lahatsoratra etsy ambany (UKR; Nadikan'ny mpampiasa LJ grosman ho amin'ny teny rosiana ato izany) ny mpampiasa LJ (Live Journal) mipetraka any Lviv dali_bude raha manoratra hoe tahaka ny ahoana tokoa moa no hitranga amin'ny karoka Google raha toa ka orinasa tantanim-panjakana Okrainiana io Google io. |
3 | There are nearly 60 comments to this post, and most readers find the parody hilarious, albeit a bit scary and a bit sad - because is is so close to truth. | Efa nahatratra 60 sahady moa ny fanehoan-kevitra ao amin'io lahatsoratra io, ary maro tamin'ny mpamaky no nahita ilay lahatsoratra hala-tahaka mampihomehy ho tena mampitokelaka tokoa, na dia mampatahotra sy mampalahelo aza - satria manakaiky ny marina tokoa ny voalaza. |
4 | If Google were a state-owned company… | Raha toa moa ka orinasam-panjakana ny Google… |
5 | - Search requests would have to be submitted in written form, on a special application, on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9 to 11 AM, at [the location where you're registered as a resident]. | - Dia tsy maintsy manao taratasy fangatahana manokana amin'ny karoka izay hatao, amina taratasy manokana fanaovana izany, isaky ny Talata sy ny Alakamisy manomboka amin'ny 9 ora ka hatramin'ny 11 ora maraina, any amin'ny tanàna nisoratanao anarana fa onenanao]. |
6 | To do this, you'd have to stand in a line of 30 people. | Fa amin'ny fanaovana izany ianao dia tsy maintsy milahatra aorian'olona 30. |
7 | - The written application would include the search request, as well as your date of birth, address at which you are registered, address of your actual place of residence, the number of children, your ID number, your passport data. | - Dia tsy maintsy hita ao amin'ny taratasy fangatahana ataonao ny karoka tianao atao, tahaka izany koa ny daty nahaterahanao, ny adiresy isoratanao anarana, ny adiresin'ny fonenanao amin'izao fotoana izao, ny isan-janaka, ny laharan'ny karapanondro, ny laharan'ny pasipaoronao. |
8 | With your request, you'd have to attach a color photo taken within the past three months (same type as the one on your travel passport). | Tsy maintsy ampiarahana amin'ny taratasy fangatahana ny saritapaka nalaina tao anatin'ny telovolana (mitovy amin'ny hita ao amin'ny pasipaoronao). |
9 | Three original copies of the written request would have to be submitted. | Tsy maintsy atao dika telo mitovy amin'ny original ihany koa izany fangatahana izany. |
10 | - The following documents would have to be additionally submitted along with your written request: | - Dia tsy maintsy ampiarahana amin'ny taratasy fangatahana ihany koa ireto dosie manaraka ireto: |
11 | * a certificate confirming the absence of a criminal record; * a certificate confirming the absence of debts for communal services [utilities], including a certificate confirming the absence of debts for heating since 2002; * a certificate from a narcologist and a psychiatrist confirming competency; * [military service certificate]; * a written consent note from parents […] and adult children, certifying that they are not opposed to your internet search request; if you have underage children, guardian board permission is needed; * a decision from an expert commission of the Interior Affairs Ministry, certifying that your search would not lead to revealing state secrets (documents are accepted every third Saturday of every odd month from 4 to 4:30 PM); * a decision of the regional department of the National Commission on the Issues of Morality, certifying that your search does not contain curses and pornography (documents are temporarily not accepted at the place of your registration, due to repairs); * a certificate from the hospital confirming that you have had all the scheduled vaccinations and no harmful viruses would get into internet via your search; * a certificate confirming the absence of other search requests that are currently being considered by [state company] “Googl'.” | * Taratasy fanamarinana fa tsy mbola voaheloka ianao; * Taratasy fanamarinana fa tsy ananan'ny Kaominina trosa ianao [dina], ary voamarina ihany koa fa tsy misy trosa intsony momba ny hetram-pampafanàna hatramin'ny 2002; * Taratasim-pahasalaman-tsaina nomen'ny manampahaizana momba ny fiankinan-doha amin'ny zava-mahadomelina sy nomen'ny psykiathra; * [taratasy nanaovana fanompoam-pirenena]; * taratasy faneken'ny ray aman-dreny […] sy ny zanaka ampy taona, manamarina fa tsy manohitra ilay karoka ataonao amin'ny aterineto izy ireo; raha manan-janaka tsy ampy taona ianao dia ilaina ihany koa ny faneken'ny birao misahana azy ireo; * fanapahan-kevitra avy amin'ny manampahaizana ao amin'ny minisiteran'ny atitany, manamarina fa tsy hitondra any amin'ny famoahana ny tsiambaratelom-panjakana ny karoka ataonao (dosie alaina isaky ny sabotsy fahatelon'ny volana isa tsy ankasan'ny taona manomboka amin'ny 4 ka hatramin'ny 4 ora sy sasany folakandro); * taratasy nomen'ny sampandraharaham-paritra avy amin'ny vaomieram-pirenena mikasika ny fitondran-tena, manamarina fa tsy misy fanompana na fahavetavetana ao anatin'ny karoka izay atao (tsy ekena aloha ny dosie eo amin'ny toerana nisoratanao anarana, noho ny asa fanamboarana izay atao ao); * taratasim-panamarinana avy amin'ny toera-pitsaboana manambara fa nahavita ny vakisiny rehetra tokony ho natao ianao ary tsy hitondra viriosy hampidi-doza ny karoka ataonao amin'ny aterineto; * taratasy manamarina fa tsy miandry karoka hafa avy amin'ny [orinasam-panjakana] “Googl'” ianao amin'izao fotoana izao. |
12 | - The following payments would have to be made before you submit your search request: | - Dia tsy maintsy efa nahaloa ireto sara manaraka ireto ihany koa ianao mialoha ny hametrahanao ny taratasy fangatahana nataonao: |
13 | * the cost of the search (450 hryvnias) [approx. $56]; * insurance payment (8.50 hryvnias) [approx. $1]; * obligatory voluntary contribution to the Googl' of the Future Fund (93.11 hryvnias [$11.63], PLEASE HAVE THE EXACT AMOUNT READY, WE DON'T HAVE CHANGE!); | * Ny sara-pikarohana (450 hryvnias) [tokotokony ho $56]; * ny saram-piantohana (8.50 hryvnias) [tokotokony ho $1]; * Adidim-pandraisana anjara tsy maintsy aloa hanatsarana ny ho avin'ny Googl' (93.11 hryvnias [$11.63], ATAOVY MARINA NY VOLANAO AZAFADY FA TSY MAMERIMBOLA IZAHAY!); |
14 | - Search request would be accepted only after you sign an Additional Agreement, by which you ascertain that you will not use other internet search services for three years since the day you sign the agreement. | - Ekena ny karoka ataonao rehefa avy manasonia ny Fifanarahana fanampiny ianao, izay hanekenao fa tsy hampiasa tolo-panaovana karoka hafa amin'ny aterineto ianao mandritra ny telo taona nanaovanao ny soniam-pifanarahana. |
15 | The agreement is signed in the presence of a notary public (the notary public service fee is 150 hryvnias [$18.75]). | Soniavina eo anatrehan'ny vaditanim-panjakana ny Fifanarahana (ny sara omena ny vaditanim-panjakana dia 150 hryvnias [$18.75]). |
16 | - You should come no earlier than in 20 work days to pick up your “Quotation from the Internet” (the official name of the search results), and you'll have to stand in yet another line for that. | - Tsy tokony ho tonga mialoha ny 20 andro fiasana andavanandro ianao haka ny “Fanambarana nomen'ny Aterineto” (fiantso ofisialy ny valin'ny karoka), ary tsy maintsy milahatra toy ny besinimaro ianao amin'ny fakana izany. |
17 | You'll receive the quotation in printed form (printed on a dot matrix printer). | Horaisinao efa vita pirinty izany (pirinty efa ntaolo be ireny). |
18 | Due to the lack of state budget funding, graphics that show up in the results of the search will not be printed. | Noho ny tsy fahampian'ny tetibolam-panjakana dia tsy atao pirinty ny sary nivoaka tao amin'ny karoka natao. |
19 | - If the results aren't there yet, you should wait 20 work days more, after which you have the right to repeat your search request. | - Raha toa moa mbola tsy ilay nokarohina no hita ao dia miandry 20 andro indray aloha ianao, aorian'izay dia mananjò ianao hamerina indray ny fangatahana hanao karoka. |
20 | - If you own a website and provide free access to information, then, according to the Law #666-66 from February 38, 2010, due to the need to have state regulation of the information politics on the web, and in order to unify search services and allow more convenient access to information on the web for Ukrainian citizens, you are obliged: | - Raha toa ianao manana vohikala manokana ary manolotra maimai-poana ny zavatra ataonao, dia , araka ny lalàna faha-666-66 nivoaka tamin'ny 38 Febroary 2010, noho ny fitsipi-panjakana misahana ny politikan'ny aterineto, ary hampiraisana sampan-draharaham-pikarohana sy hahamoramora kokoa ny fanovozam-baovao avy amin'ny aterineto ho an'ny vahoaka Okrainiana, dia tsy maintsy ataonao ny : |
21 | * to urgently pass all the information from your website to the state company “Ukrainian Googl'” on 3.5-inch floppy disks (only disks produced by the private company “Disketa-Googl'” are allowed, the price of a single item is 25 hryvnias [$3.10]); * once you receive the confirmation, [you have] to delete all the information from your website within five days. | * mandefa araka izay haingana indrindra ny zavatra rehetra tianao ampitaina ao amin'ny vohikalanao any amin'ny “Googl' Okrainiana” amin'ny diskety 3.5 pouce (ny diskety vokarin'ny orinasa tsy miankina “Disketa-Googl'” ihany no azo ekena, ary ny vidin'izany tsirairay dia 25 hryvnias [$3.10]); * Rehefa voarainao ny taratasim-panekena, dia tsy maintsy fafanao ao anatin'ny dimy andro izay navoakanao rehetra tao amin'ny vohikalanao. |